When you were growing up, your parents might have had their own special names to describe le zizi, both male and female, in order to shelter you from the adult world for as long as possible. In English the list of names is virtually endless.

There are the cute ones to be used around kids, such as Minnie (confusing if you like Minnie Mouse), Front Bottom (very middle class), Foo Foo (probably from French foufoune), Mary (don’t ask me!), Lady bits (very upper middle class), Flower (as in flower power?), Noonie (again, it’s out there, but why?), Nether regions (but not always cold), Downstairs (with upstairs for décolleté?), Fanny (except that it means bottom in the USA)…

The “hedonistic” ones, used by boys out drinking together, such as: Bearded oyster (une huître barbue, can you imagine?), Hippo’s yawn (depends on the lady you’re with), Meat or Beef curtains (a bit bavette), Baby or Money maker (true in a lot of cases), Twat (or the other one beginning with a “C”) this one is used more as a “friendly” insult these days, Pussy (still n°1 but not accurate if Brazilian wax is the game), Beaver ( also outdated by vajazzles), Munch box (as in lunch box?), Minge, Flange (not attractive)…

The funny ones: Laurence of a Labia (wonderful double entendre), Mermaid purse (actually rather sweet), Devil’s doorbell (Irish origins, I think), Jaws of life (man-eater?), Bald man in a boat (you need your visual imagination), Muff (as in muff diver…), Breakfast of Champions (what’s the story, morning glory), Wizard sleeve (a bit mysterious), Tongue trap (on espère?), Pink fortress (a long siege awaits us, my liege), Honey pot (bears are drawn to it)…

Pick and choose, but be nice about it and donate to the fund!